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Well, I don't think I've actually made one of these posts before but I've been inspired by all the ones I've seen today on my flist, so here goes.
I realized I was bisexual when I was about 20. I had my first girlfriend when I was about 21 or 22. I was lucky enough to have two friends in college who identified as Bi, so I had no struggle wondering if I was gay or straight. I was Bi, that was clear.
After I graduated college, I moved in with my first girlfriend. My first live-in lover was a woman. I never thought of it that way before. The year after we split and I was back living with my Mom. My brother was the first in my family to know I was Bi and he never judged me for it. I wrote Mom a coming out letter and sat there while she read it and wept. She told me that she loved me no matter what, but that she thought she'd never be able to handle meeting one of my girlfriends. To this day, she hasn't.
A few months later, in the car riding with my Dad, he asked me if I was gay. I told him I was Bi. Then I went home and told Mom and I shared a cigarette with her - the last cigarette I ever had (it was a one time thing, really). So, with my parents, I've had kind of a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. That was until I came out as polyamorous to them four years later. They handled that a lot worse than the bisexuality. We didn't speak for a few years and they didn't come to my wedding.
I stopped telling co-workers about my sexual orientation after my first job, because they just thought I was a freak. And I decided it was really none of their business. They saw men and women show up to work to take me on dates. That was it.
To the rest of the world, I really don't care who knows. Luckily I live in the San Francisco Bay area, and it's not an issue for me to walk in my neighborhood dressed in fetish clothes. I can walk down the street holding hands with my girlfriend and not fear for my life. I know I'm lucky. I know that's not the case everywhere.
That being said, I'm constantly pushing my own boundaries about who to be out to. I asked my husband what the neigbhors would think if they saw me kissing another man outside and approached him about it. My hubby said he'd tell them he was my boyfriend and that it was none of their business. I like that approach. (Direct and to the point, but that's what I expect from my husband.) A few of my neighbors know and they're queer too.
I've deeply loved women and I've deeply loved men, often at the same time. I've never apologized for who I am. I want there to be more Bi visibility. Before I went to acupuncture school, I was starting to get together interviews and photographs to make a coffee table book about bisexuals. We are SO diverse and there are really not a lot of image stereotypes for Bis. I want people to see that diversity. Maybe one day I'll get back to doing that book.
Love who you want to and be proud of who you are.
I realized I was bisexual when I was about 20. I had my first girlfriend when I was about 21 or 22. I was lucky enough to have two friends in college who identified as Bi, so I had no struggle wondering if I was gay or straight. I was Bi, that was clear.
After I graduated college, I moved in with my first girlfriend. My first live-in lover was a woman. I never thought of it that way before. The year after we split and I was back living with my Mom. My brother was the first in my family to know I was Bi and he never judged me for it. I wrote Mom a coming out letter and sat there while she read it and wept. She told me that she loved me no matter what, but that she thought she'd never be able to handle meeting one of my girlfriends. To this day, she hasn't.
A few months later, in the car riding with my Dad, he asked me if I was gay. I told him I was Bi. Then I went home and told Mom and I shared a cigarette with her - the last cigarette I ever had (it was a one time thing, really). So, with my parents, I've had kind of a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. That was until I came out as polyamorous to them four years later. They handled that a lot worse than the bisexuality. We didn't speak for a few years and they didn't come to my wedding.
I stopped telling co-workers about my sexual orientation after my first job, because they just thought I was a freak. And I decided it was really none of their business. They saw men and women show up to work to take me on dates. That was it.
To the rest of the world, I really don't care who knows. Luckily I live in the San Francisco Bay area, and it's not an issue for me to walk in my neighborhood dressed in fetish clothes. I can walk down the street holding hands with my girlfriend and not fear for my life. I know I'm lucky. I know that's not the case everywhere.
That being said, I'm constantly pushing my own boundaries about who to be out to. I asked my husband what the neigbhors would think if they saw me kissing another man outside and approached him about it. My hubby said he'd tell them he was my boyfriend and that it was none of their business. I like that approach. (Direct and to the point, but that's what I expect from my husband.) A few of my neighbors know and they're queer too.
I've deeply loved women and I've deeply loved men, often at the same time. I've never apologized for who I am. I want there to be more Bi visibility. Before I went to acupuncture school, I was starting to get together interviews and photographs to make a coffee table book about bisexuals. We are SO diverse and there are really not a lot of image stereotypes for Bis. I want people to see that diversity. Maybe one day I'll get back to doing that book.
Love who you want to and be proud of who you are.
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From:
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Maybe by that time I'll have a story for said book.
Something tells me I'll never come out to my family, or most anyone else outside the poly realm. Hell, my family still "thinks" I'm a virgin, although they know better. It's more "don't ask, don't tell". I applaud my brother for being so brave. We shall most definitely see.
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In the DC area, as I was coming to terms with my sexuality (I knew I liked women in my teens in Minnesota, but I didn't really realize that bisexuality was an OPTION -- you were either gay or straight, and I knew I liked boys, so I thought that girls were out of the question), I didn't experience a lot of support and welcome for bisexuals in the queer community -- the BDSM community was a lot more welcoming and friendly.
I think it was the combination of the fact that I'm very much a lipstick femme (and that was an era where being a lesbian seemed to require being really serious and political and embracing a certain visual aesthetic), and that I'm poly-oriented -- I get along much better with bisexual and bi-curious women rather than self-identified lesbians, because a lot of lesbians tend to identify as monogamously-oriented, and I'm just . . . not.
(Not trying to make generalizations, I'm just talking about the people *I* encountered!)
I'm sorry that your parents aren't more accepting of your loves, but I understand completely -- I'm not even OUT to mine, although that's mostly because I haven't had a longterm female partner who has been a part of my family -- if I did, I definitely would have broached the issue.
Someday, I really want to spend some time in SF -- I've always lived in fairly conservative areas, and the idea of having that kind of large community is really appealing.
Thank you for sharing your story!
-- A :)
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You are always welcome to stay here if you visit the Bay area. Any friend of
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Should you be on the East Coast, you know the offer goes both ways! ^_^
*huge hugs*
-- A :D
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I have written a phrase very similar to that one hundred different times. I grew up in the seventies with lesbian sisters, of course not everyone was straight -- but you couldn't waffle, that was just "confused." You had to choose. I was 32 when I learned better.
I posted something that included a bit of that, today.
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Yeah, Bi was a foreign term until we moved to California.
I just thought I was confused and a pervert, not to mention insatiable, with a side of hot, lesbian tendencies!
Well, the pervert I'll still admit to...
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thanks for posting your story! I've sometimes wondered what world changes there would be if there was a hetero equivalent to coming out.
My hubby said he'd tell them he was my boyfriend and that it was none of their business.
-- oh, that's the greatest answer.
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You know, for all that I live in an incredibly conservative small town, two of my first friends here are married (to each other) lesbians, and one is a not-actively bisexual bisexual.
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We have a mutual friend in
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Ran into Joe the other night, heard a lot about you, add me? :)
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