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I just had to sweep a dead mouse into a dust bin and throw it outside. I am not in the greatest mood. I don't want to be awake but I am.
I saw my therapist last week and I talked about how the acupuncture and network chiropractic together are too much for my body and head to handle. I am periodically flooded with fear, anger, depression and/or flashbacks to sexual assault. My head knows that the release of these emotions and trauma is good but it's very overwhelming.
Today I finally talked to the chiropractor. I told him why I haven't been coming to see him for 3 entrainments (adjustments) a week. He said that he figured that was why and he hasn't wanted to push. It's not that I don't want to heal myself, I told him, it's just all too fast for me to take. He suggested I do more breathing exercises and that he will do more of them with me and fewer adjustments for now to create safety.
The first day of my period for the past two months has been terrible. I've been really freaked out on those days (read: felt out of my mind) and unfortunately, my husband has been out of town. This month I made sure he'd be around on the first day (which should be happening any minute now)
Luckily I told this to my therapist and she adjusted the dosage of my antidepressants during the week before my period. I'm not feeling out of control right now so that's a good place to begin. Before I started combining the network chiropractic and acupuncture, I almost asked to taper off the antidepressants. Now, I know that I still need them.
The good thing is that I am slowly reclaiming parts of my body. Between my breasts where the first attacker got off after I convinced him not to put his cock inside me. My lower back on the right side that was my shield against him as I lay on the bed as far from him as possible until he woke up and drove me home. My acupuncturist has been using moxa between my breasts to help and it has been very comforting - like when my mother used to stroke my head when I was scared or sick.
I want to heal my body especially if I am to become a healer. But I realize that my healing process will not end miraculously between the time I start acupuncture school and the time I graduate. It will be a continuing lifelong process. I am glad that I have started this process. I realize now that I am in control of the pace. I will write about my healing journey here.
This is my body.
(Note: this is the first time I have made one of my posts public. I hope that it can help someone else who needs it. Let's see how it goes.)
I saw my therapist last week and I talked about how the acupuncture and network chiropractic together are too much for my body and head to handle. I am periodically flooded with fear, anger, depression and/or flashbacks to sexual assault. My head knows that the release of these emotions and trauma is good but it's very overwhelming.
Today I finally talked to the chiropractor. I told him why I haven't been coming to see him for 3 entrainments (adjustments) a week. He said that he figured that was why and he hasn't wanted to push. It's not that I don't want to heal myself, I told him, it's just all too fast for me to take. He suggested I do more breathing exercises and that he will do more of them with me and fewer adjustments for now to create safety.
The first day of my period for the past two months has been terrible. I've been really freaked out on those days (read: felt out of my mind) and unfortunately, my husband has been out of town. This month I made sure he'd be around on the first day (which should be happening any minute now)
Luckily I told this to my therapist and she adjusted the dosage of my antidepressants during the week before my period. I'm not feeling out of control right now so that's a good place to begin. Before I started combining the network chiropractic and acupuncture, I almost asked to taper off the antidepressants. Now, I know that I still need them.
The good thing is that I am slowly reclaiming parts of my body. Between my breasts where the first attacker got off after I convinced him not to put his cock inside me. My lower back on the right side that was my shield against him as I lay on the bed as far from him as possible until he woke up and drove me home. My acupuncturist has been using moxa between my breasts to help and it has been very comforting - like when my mother used to stroke my head when I was scared or sick.
I want to heal my body especially if I am to become a healer. But I realize that my healing process will not end miraculously between the time I start acupuncture school and the time I graduate. It will be a continuing lifelong process. I am glad that I have started this process. I realize now that I am in control of the pace. I will write about my healing journey here.
This is my body.
(Note: this is the first time I have made one of my posts public. I hope that it can help someone else who needs it. Let's see how it goes.)
